Some married Nigerians spoke with Adam & Eve on their opinions regarding living together with their spouses’ parents
I won’t allow if there’s an alternative – Judith Agbonifo
It depends on whether they have somewhere else to stay or not. If I know living with us is the best option, I will comfortably let them stay provided they are not causing many issues. Like my husband’s mother now, she is somehow aged. If I find out that she doesn’t have somewhere else to stay, I will definitely let her move into our house. But if she has another option, I won’t allow her. I’ll love us to have our distance, but if they don’t have anywhere else to stay, I will gladly have them stay.
We need privacy – Edidiong Umana
Well, it depends. You know newly-weds need time and space to figure out their things and way of life. We are all from different homes and have a different upbringing. My wife and I were not brought up the same way. Now as a new couple, we need to find a way to fit with each other and create our own ideas to groom our kids. Therefore, if family members like parents-in-law come to stay with us, there will be little matters arising all the time and we would not be able to solve them. We need our privacy. In situations where we have disagreements, I would not like my parents-in-law to be involved in anyway.
I am not saying they can’t live with us, but their presence would at times bring up arguments.
I can’t allow even my parents – Blessing Azuka
I won’t allow my parents-in-law to live with us permanently. The same way I won’t allow my parents to stay with me permanently. They can only visit and go back, from time to time. They can come and stay for as long as two weeks or two months. But staying with us permanently is no. My reasons are: First as a couple, you need your own privacy. I have also come to realise that if you stay with somebody too much, you will begin to find little fault in them. I’m not just saying this from the part of parents-in-law. Sometimes even the daughters-in-law will begin to see some attitudes they wouldn’t like in their mothers-in-law or fathers-in-law.
These things will sometimes spark quarrels or disagreements. And sometimes, there are things that you need to do that they are not supposed to be involved in. But since they live with you, you will have to involve them. I strongly will not allow my parents-in-law or even my own parents to stay with me permanently.
It’s unhealthy to live with them- Daniel Uchechi
No, I won’t allow that. Privacy is important, especially for newly-weds. We need time to be able to know each other. To some extent, having parents-in-law around is unhealthy. Some in-laws have the tendency to be overprotective and that might cause conflict between my wife and me, especially when they might want to stand up for her even when she might be wrong. Also, It can lead to hypocrisy between my wife and me because we always have to act like everything is okay even when it is not. Moreover, Financial stability is important. Their presence puts us under obligation to provide for them and meet their needs. I really would not buy the idea of allowing my parents-in-law to live with us. We have to cut our coat according to our cloth.
I don’t allow third party in my marriage – Chidinma Mbah
Truth be told, I do not want my parents-in-law to live with me permanently. The reason for saying this is that, no matter how good or accommodating they may be, I really don’t want prying in my marriage. In my marriage, I don’t want any third party, fourth party, tenth party and so on. They can come around and spend as much time as they want. It can be a month, a week, weekends or some few days. But living permanently, I wouldn’t allow it.
I married their daughter not them – Marcdennis Ugbe
It depends on the condition; but if it is not on any ground, I will prefer getting them a place rather than living with us. My parents-In-law can only be allowed to stay with me if they are on medication requiring close monitoring or they came for a vacation of one or three months.
My wife and I need to be alone to lead our lives, and enjoy each other’s company and privacy. If we allow my parents-In-law to live with us, definitely, the level of third party influence in our marriage is going to become higher thereby posing a threat to the union. After all, they have led their own lives and we lead ours. It is their daughter I married. Therefore, if it is not based on any reason, it is a big no.
Allowing such’ll cause issues – Omohe Onojasike
Basically for me, allowing my parents-in-law to visit is not a problem, if they could stay for a while and then leave. But staying permanently, my straight answer is no. It is because as times goes on, issues will arise. They will want to be protective of their son even to the detriment of his wife. She will want to be attached to the husband so much that everything else doesn’t matter.
Also, because as husband and wife, we need privacy, I won’t allow my parents-in-law to live with us. I would rather prefer they visit, stay for a while and return to their home.
Having people around gives me joy – Taiwo Akende
Obviously, I will. I don’t have a problem with it. I love people coming around. I believe so much in living with others. Having people around gives you joy no matter who the person is. We all have our bad sides and good sides. You have to let people into your lives. No doubt you can even learn something from a bad person. You learn a lot from people regardless of who they are. I can accommodate anyone let alone the people that gave me my wife. Why would I not accommodate them? Allowing my parents-in-law to live with me is nothing. It is like having families and friends around. Some people would talk of privacy but I believe they would not stay forever. Even if they are staying forever, my wife and I would learn to create our own privacy. If private matters arise, it will be discussed in our room with the doors shut. You don’t create privacy in the presence of people. Everyone has that joyful side in them.
They can only visit and leave – Mary Hope
No, I won’t. I will love them to come, visit and go back. But coming to stay permanently, I won’t take that. When they come to stay permanently, it may cause misunderstanding in my home. When you have issues with your husband for instance, you will not be free to discuss or even express yourself the way you will want to. And sometimes my husband will even want to seek their opinion since they are physically present. I don’t advise that.
No reason they should live with us – Oladipupo Omolade
My answer is no. I see no reason why my parents-in-law should live with us. It can only happen if there is a need for it. If not, I can’t allow a third party. It is me, wife and kids. Whatever happens should be within us, whatever projects we are carrying out should be within us. There is no need for parents staying with us because if they are with us, they would want to be involved one way or the other in our private issues. Also, our parents would not stop seeing us as kids until we prove to them that we are not. They would always want to come into matters in which their consent is not required. It is unhealthy for the marriage.
Moreso, every African parent has their own controversy. I wouldn’t want anyone poisoning my children’s mind over minor issues especially family disputes. I won’t buy the idea, and it doesn’t apply to only my parents-in-law, it also applies to my parents. If it is possible, I will get them their own apartments instead of them living with us.